The keto diet has taken heat for many things—some don’t believe the high-fat, low-carb diet is healthy, others say it doesn’t work. But can keto cause the demise of a relationship? Apparently yes, according to one Reddit user.
“I’m wondering if anyone has experienced losing your marriage cause of weight loss?” user Bertiebugg recently said in now-deleted Reddit post. “I never realized that by losing weight my husband of almost 17 years would tell me that he’s no longer attracted to me.”
Hold. The. Phone. Anyone who thinks that their partner’s appearance is the glue that holds their relationship together has some serious issues. This woman was trying to save herself from the health problems that can stem from carrying too much body weight, and we applaud her for that.
Bertiebugg went on to explain she’s “far from small” at her current weight. Before she took action and went on the keto diet, she weighed over 300 pounds. Now, she’s down to about 250 and her goal is to get near 200, she wrote.
Though Bertiebugg doesn’t see herself as slim, she says parts of her body have changed. Some things have firmed up and others have loosened, which is what her husband doesn’t like.
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“He says that I’ve lost my butt (which I didn’t have one in the first place), that my thighs are firmer on the outside and saggy on the inside (which is true but they always have been), and I’ve lost a good amount of my breasts,” she wrote.
Details aside, Bertiebugg said she was completely blindsided. “I never pegged him for a person who would leave me because of my weight loss. I’m in total shock, as he doesn’t have a perfect body. I don’t know how he could say all of this to me if he ever really loved me for me.”
We can’t believe it either, and other Reddit users seemed to agree. They immediately jumped to her defense.
“Any time you decide to make big changes in life, whether it be lose weight, start a business, etc, there will always be those who support you regardless and those who view your success as a detriment to themselves and insecurity creeps in,” one user wrote.
Another also said the problem is likely about his own self-confidence struggles. “His issue is NOT about your lack of butt. You are changing and trying to find your best self. He most likely is threatened by that.”
Others said she’ll be better off without him in her life. “If he decides that you aren’t what he wants because you are gaining better health and are taking major steps to better yourself, then I would count it as a step in the right direction. You can’t force someone to love you but you can definitely love yourself when others won’t,” one user wrote.
Above all, everyone could agree Bertiebugg should be damn proud of her weight-loss progress. “Honey, you’ve done great, you lost 75 pounds, that’s incredibly healthier and your doctors must be THRILLED. YOU have every right to be THRILLED,” one user said.
It turns out that having a relationship sour because of a diet isn’t unusual. In 2013, researchers at North Carolina State conducted a study on how weight loss can affect relationships. They found that while dropping 60 pounds or more in two years or less usually improved a couple’s relationship, sometimes the partner of the dieter felt jealous or threatened .
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Gail Saltz , MD, Health contributing psychology editor, previously said that one person’s physical transformation may force their partner to consider his or her own health choices, which could be unsettling for them.
Your partner may also worry about how your personality might change. “You feeling great, sexy, or confident could shift the balance of the relationship,” Dr. Saltz says. “They fear losing the identity of the more confident one or losing the upper hand.”
Ding, ding, ding, it sounds like some of those commenters were right. Bertiebugg’s husband is likely having issues because of his own insecurities, and he’s taking that out on her.
If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, have a calm conversation with your partner about why they might be reacting to your progress in such a negative way. No one should have to put up with that kind of treatment, and helping your partner understand their own feelings could ease the tension.
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